Back to blogging…
Hello my friends! I am resuming my blog as I move into another season in my life. Sharing my adventures, experiences, and connections and ultimately fear and love as I live in my new home in the mountains. I have moved from on the the house on the lake to a quaint 90’s style apartment. My view is not the lake but instead a beautiful mountain in the town of Tumbler Ridge. I am embracing my fear of change to find love! Love is not the romantic love we often think about, instead it is the deep love that life gives us – laughter, joy, daughters, grandson, teaching, children, friendships, sisters, quiet, music, writing, cooking, waterfalls, road trips, independence……and on and on….so much blog about.
As my reader’s know, my life over the last 18 years has been full of rich events some true blessings and others that were traumatic. The universe has given me so many opportunities to experience true fear and joyful love. Learning from Grabrielle Bernstein, I am realizing that I have embraced my fear moments as messages to move closer to love. I see that in most families who have critically ill children. In order to move through the fear – we must find the moment of joyful love. Years of parenting sick daughters has allowed me to find my way closer to love.
One of the many reminders of how I tried to embrace a fear as a love moment was Ryleigh’s first outing after her stem cell transplant. She wanted a hot dog. A Costco hot dog. The hot dog symbolized adventure and some rebellion. She was going to an environment thriving in viruses and bacteria. As well, she was not supposed to eat hot dogs as they were not good for her ostomy. This fear moment was turned into one of pure joy and love. Ten years ago, I would never have thought eating a hot dog would be such a joyous experience. When my friend’s The Togyi’s experienced the same connection with a hot dog for their son Avery as he is a little boy battling cancer. Their willingness to take a fearful time and transform to times of joy and love is inspiring to all of us. Read the Hot Dog Diaries to feel this transformation and to provide love and support for them. All I can do is send my love and positive energy to them.
My life has been full of fear, not just the fear of my children dealing with critical and chronic illness, but many other fears. As a 50 year old woman, I experience fears that are seemingly major and others that are minor yet still as paralyzing. As I have moved through my life, many have made comments about how they are not sure how I have coped and made it through. Truthfully, I do not know how I did either. I am realizing that it is because I have embraced the fear and used it to find love as best as I could. I have put my difficulties of my life to the universe and asked for guidance because I wanted to find love instead of wallow in the fear. When I got close to the edge of not enduring because of the pain, isolation, and heartbreak somehow love found me and I was willing to accept and create a small crack of light through the darkness.
So, my blog will be sharing my fears and how I attempt to find love in the past, present, and future. Those that are serious and major, to the minor fears that seem frivolous but have created responses that are based on flight, freeze, or fight. An opportunity to share my musings as well as process for self healing. Looking at my life with a sense of humour and seriousness…it helps me get through. So, thank you for being part of my journey.
My question to you — what moments of fear have created a sense of joyous love for you?
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